RIP Billy Mays

"Billy Mays, a beloved and parodied pitchman who became a pop-culture figure through his commercials for cleaning products like Orange Glo, OxiClean and Kaboom, died Sunday at his home in Tampa, Fla. He was 50."

Grossssssss

I usually try to stay away from tabloid fodder--the rags do a better job than I ever could, so why bother?--but this was too much. Apparently Heidi and Spencer from The Hills eloped in Mexico this weekend. Here's the cover of the Us magazine. This couple, especially douchy mcdouche Spencer, is icky to begin with (Heidi, girl, someone needs to smack you upside your head & knock some sense into you!) but it's so much worse with that obscene facial hair growth. My gag reflex is in overdrive today.

All together now: ew.

My tumor was driving

You know the (recent?) practice of playing down reputation-breaking incidents by admitting to alcoholism. See, e.g., Mel Gibson. Now, just days after running down a pedestrian and attempting to leave the scene--despite reports that the man was splayed on his windshield--Robert Novak, age 77, has said he has a brain tumor. Novak isn't using the tumor explicitly as an excuse for hitting the guy, but he did say that he didn't know he had hit anyone, and the papers are saying that it's unclear whether his tumor contributed to the accident.

This all adds fuel to my long-held belief that everyone over 65 should be required to undergo random driving inspections. At the same time, it supports the implicit conclusion that if you're famous, you can find excuses to get you out of consequences for the bad things you do.

Juxtaposition

Watching the USA-Canada basketball exhibition game. Guess who's sitting next to Bill Gates?


Ludacris.


Awesome.

Thoughts on Crazy Paparazzi

Over at What Would Tyler Durden Do (generally NSFW), the author writes:

How is it legal that someone is allowed to stand in front of a moving car and repeatedly hit the driver in the eyes with bright flashing lights? Is that not a violation of the drivers rights? I'm assuming Tobey Maguire is wondering the same thing, as last night he was trying to drive his SUV when he lost it and yelled at the paparazzi, screaming, “"get the fuck out of the way, I can't see. There are cars here motherfuckers." And good for him. You’re not even allowed to take flash pictures of fish at the zoo, yet for some reason it's okay to blind people while they try to aim a V12 engine. Why not just sound an air horn off in their ear too, or throw a snake in their lap. No rules, right?

I've been pondering this topic recently. If a jaywalker crosses the road against the light and not in a crosswalk, and he is hit by a car driving at the speed limit with the right of way, whose fault is that? The jaywalker's, right? Shouldn't the same thing happen with these crazy photographers? Every time Britney Spears runs over some jackass photographer's foot, there are stories all over the news. But the guy was asking for it! He was standing close enough to a moving vehicle to have his foot run over, while flashing blinding lights in the eyes of the driver--isn't that some sort of defense? I know it sounds harsh, but why can't the people harassed by the paparazzi just run them over?

Answer: because they'll get sued, that's why. Ahh, lawyers. They solve all problems.