Didn't even need my advice!

San Francisco's answer to Westboro Baptist Church: spot on, dudes.

"God hates flags" is my personal favorite.

Rickrolling: not even the WBC is immune!

Counterprotest of one

So the Westboro Baptist Church (the "God Hates Fags" people) are coming to campus to protest outside the Hillel center on Friday. Students are organizing a counter-protest of some kind. I doubt I'll go--it is at 8am. But were I to join the public opposition, I'd advocate simple laughter. After all, these WBC people are just ridiculous. Here are a few snippets from their website [all errors, jargon, funky caps, and 8th grade AOL-speak theirs]. They really speak for themselves.

• Contemporary Jewish Museum - BORING on steroids, God H8s U . . . Our God reigneth, Our God caused the punishment which you commonly refer to as the Holocaust. OH PLEASE! You ain't seen nothin' yet! AMEN!
• ADL San Fran style - You liars are leading bros to hell! You got a problem with WBC telling people what the Bible says on the subject of Jesus Christ, the fact that Jews Killed Jesus and that unless they repent of that crime they can NEVER see the Kingdom of Heaven? Too stinking bad. . . . Yes, it might be nice to be treated fairly and kindly by you haters - but not to the destruction of our never-dying souls. AMEN!
• JCC San Fran Style - Jews are Fags Really, 2 True! WBC will have signs of truth and warning for these rebels who enable sin all around the world! Zionist freaks: It's NOT your land! What did you steal that land for? Give it back! God Hates Thieves! Thou Shalt Not Steal! Thous Shalt Not Kill! Why you tell the fags they're all good? God Hates Fag Enablers.
• Lowell High School - SCHMOOZE FOR JEWS? Tell 'em truth! WBC needs to come and show the little brutes what you all have failed to show them - OBEY GOD! . . . Also to be satisfied, having our senses exercised by these events, satisfied I say that these parents will actually be doing the infants a favor if they just go ahead and eat them instead of doing to them what they have done to these pre-teens and teens in this nation. AMEN!
• WBC to Picket Twitter, Inc.! Now that should get interesting, WBC member(s) Tweeting as they picket outside Twitter, Inc. Won't a black hole or something open in the space/time vortex? Seriously, let us focus in on a few facts, to wit: Twitter is a company which lends itself to mass communication. Why in heaven's name would the great publishers at WBC NOT picket this place? They have a duty to God just like every other person to serve God and to use ALL their resources in their service to him. So we come with hearts of love and joy to humbly suggest they GET ON THAT TASK! . . . Obama's about to take away any/all resources like Twitter to serve him and his Antichristic agenda, so enjoy this freedom while it lasts a little longer. Praise God! AMEN!
• WBC is determined that each place we go, all the children who you adults have lied to to, get this message: TWO WORDS define Antichrist Obama's "Education Plan", to wit: KEVIN JENNINGS, United States Education Czar. This fag who started GSAs and GLSEN Organizations all across DOOMED america. Now 63 years old, with ZERO CHILDREN of his own, this fag is DETERMINED to sodomize all of you children he and Obama can get their filthy, bloody hands on. Flee these lying false prophets, kids.
• Congregation Beth Israel & Day School - Rabbis Rape Boys! You pretentious Jews are in BIG trouble, and WBC has the duty - job really - to tell you about it. . . . Just because you filthy, liars reject the testimony and record DOES NOT make it any less true. Each one of you Jews who refuse to help God's true servants, and hide in your little multiple-level-one-stop shops like this place, pretending to be so holy, selfless and kind are just as guilty of these murderers just referred to. AMEN!
• Obama will shortly bring the trauma to this nation, then as you each turn and gnaw on the bones of all those who you currently profess "love" for, he will step right over your stinking, rotting carcasses (think Haiti corpses piled up, and that stink PEOPLE!)and ascend to his throne of world leader - as promised him by his father the devil. As predetermined by God Almighty, who by the way will be laughing at you brutish cannibals. Tah DAAAAH! Praise God! AMEN!
  

I think "Tah DAAAAH!" is a good place to end. I fell off my chair reading this shit. How can you not laugh?

Maybe I should take her class?

This week's Questions are for Terry Castle, lit prof at Stanford.

Do you agree that lesbians suffer from a paucity of wit?
Well, those who drank the Kool-Aid in the ’70s in the heyday of lesbian separatism — a lot of them have ended up in the academic world as historians or sociologists. And so there is a kind of earnest and stylistically impaired lesbian who is still in existence, like a stegosaurus.
***
How do you feel about seeing the adventure of life reduced to a function of DNA?
I guess I’m down with it because I’ve always felt, for instance, that my own lesbianism was genetic. My cousin, whom I was just visiting in London, we have the same DNA, and we’re both big, old dykes.
Surely you can find a more graceful way to describe yourself.
Svelte, coltish and effortlessly alluring? Cate Blanchett, please call me.

"You asked with your eyes."

I don't know why I love this commercial, but I do. Dumb jokes crack me up.

Commercial

This conspicuous absence of Dinosaur Comics must end now

Yep, I still love 'em.


I hope you enjoyed that, you guys!!

Shawty, same doubt!

Late, as usual. Thanks to Navs for the many minutes of hilarity this has given me tonight.

Oh, the poignancy of T-Rex

"We'd all be a heck of a lot more productive if work was as entertaining as--you know, entertainment! In particular, I'd be a lot better off if learning [evidence] was as relentlessly entertaining as learning, I don't know . . .

. . . about the sexual histories of my friends and acquaintances, PERHAPS??"


The way this comic mirrors my life is stunning, and frightening.

Every culture needs one

Meet the Persian Richard Simmons!



I about fell off my chair. Thanks to JMC for the tip.

Oldie but goodie

I just disturbed everyone in a 10-seat radius in the library reading room. HILARIOUS. But not for the faint of heart, or those in studious and quiet environments. Thanks to Paul-Jon for the laugh and the resulting embarrassment and shame.

***

Bloodninja: Wanna cyber?
MommyMelissa: Sure, you into vegetables?
Bloodninja: What like gardening an s**t?
MommyMelissa: Yeah, something like that.
Bloodninja: Nuthin turns me on more, check this out
Bloodninja: You bend over to harvest your radishes.
(pause)
MommyMelissa: is that it?
Bloodninja: You water your tomato patch.
Bloodninja: Are you ready for my fresh produce?
MommyMelissa: I was thinking of like, sexual acts INVOLVING vegetables... Can you make it a little more sexy for me?
(pause)
Bloodninja: I touch you on your lettuce, you massage my spinach... Sexily.
Bloodninja: I ride your buttocks, like they were amber waves of grains.
MommyMelissa: Grain doesn't really turn me on... I was thinking more along the lines of carrots and zucchinis.
Bloodninja: my zucchinis carresses your carrots.
Bloodninja: Damn baby your right, this s**t is HOT.
MommyMelissa: ...
Bloodninja: My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. My insides turn to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky cauliflower of love.
MommyMelissa: What the f**k is this madlibs? I'm outta here.
Bloodninja: Yah, well I already unleashed my cauliflower, all over your olives, and up in your eyes. Now you can't see. B**ch.
MommyMelissa: whatever.

New link

"A blog where I tell cute animals what's what."

The anti-LOLcat? But just as awesome. Enjoy.

Funny ha-ha

Some time yesterday was spent dissecting the anatomy of a joke. (This is one of those things Wikipedia is actually pretty good at.)

Here's a good one.

Happy Wednesday, people.

...Don't you get brained by a teacup?

Dinosaur Comics brought back the funny yesterday. Check it out.

Why I don't ski

The ever lovely insanity gal has written a glorious tome about her first experience skiing. I laughed. I laughed so hard I cried. And I resolved that on this year's ski trip, I'll stick to snowshoeing and sipping hot chocolate by the fire.

I highly recommend you saunter over there and read the whole thing, but in case you remain unconvinced, here's a taste of the comedic genius that awaits.

It appeared that there was nothing to do but throw myself down this giant white death machine and hope that later the babe would write a beautiful story about my last days on Earth. I don't remember starting to ski. I think there was screaming and flailing of arms, and then I did what I can only imagine was a truly stunning somersault, landing squarely on my hip. Execution: 7. Creativity: 8.5!

Here for more--Part II and III will have you peeing in your pants or your money back.

A hot mess

Oh. My. Lord.



My favorite part: the fact that the video goes on for 30 seconds after the [watch it and see].

Hat tip: VC.

More exam-appropriate humor

Undying love and adoration

"What's something bigger than a tractor? The box the tractor comes in?"

"Um, a building?"

"Perfect!"

LATER:

"Dear audio diary! This afternoon found me with my mouth wrapped around the brick corner of the library, suddenly wondering if this was all life held for me. Later, I had cupcakes!"


Oy. My sides hurt. All this funny, I can't take it. T-rex, I see myself in you. We are one. Canadian comedic genius dude, please, never, ever stop.

Waste an hour or ten

Here for more. Highly addictive. Consider yourself warned. Thanks to Paul-Jon for the distraction.

In honor of today being International Talk Like A Pirate Day, I made up these terrible jokes. Enjoy.

Where does the pirate Fella live?

ARRRRRRRlington!

What does pirate saisai need to get around Palo Alto?

A cARRRRRRRR!

Where do pirate law students go on Thursday nights?

BARRRRRRR review!

What do pirates join when they retire?

A-A-ARRRRRRRR-P!

"Can I poke it?"

Chris Cooley, Redskins TE, has been all over the Internets today.  I think it might have something to do with a playbook and a schlong.  Whatev.  It's really just an excuse to post this hilarious picture of Cooley's tight end.  Enjoy.